I'm glad I have this website, where I can unleash all my fears and pain. I have a hard time doing that with anyone but him, and I told him as much today. I am so terrified of something happening to him over there. I think recently is the first time I've really faced the fact that the outcome of this could be bad. It hits me really hard because he's almost been deployed two months, and I'm JUST coming to terms with this. I should've done this two months ago when he was in my arms. He tried, God did he ever try, to get me to open up about death... to think about it and talk about it with him... but in the end, he did all the talking and I just sat there emotionless. I wish more than anything that I could turn back the hands of time and change that. I wish I would've told him how I felt, how I truly was scared and not brave like I pretend to be, and how if that was the last time I could hold him I wanted to make it count.
I don't know how I would go on without him, I can't even imagine. I know we military wives have to be upbeat and positive, and for the most part I am, but I have my moments of weakeness to. That IS my husband out there, and his job IS dangerous. I'll never always be positive, and I know any military wife will agree with me about that.
I just want him home. I want to hold him and tell him all the things I didn't have the courage or good sense to say two months ago.
No comments:
Post a Comment