ANGER

I am really, REALLY, incredibly, extremely, astronomically, impressively... TIRED OF THIS DEPLOYMENT. I am such an angry person today. Not angry at him (though I did go through that stage before the deployment began, followed by denial), but aggressive, unsubstantiated ANGER at anything, everything, and everyone. It's irrational- I see this. It's uncontrollable, though. At least for the moment. I've tried not to be crabby to anyone, and I think for the most part today I've succeeded in saturating everything with a thick layer of faux syrupy sugar. I am so tired of the facade. I'm NOT strong everyday, and dangit, why should I have to pretend I am? Well, rationally I know why I have to... I just wanted to vent. I'm going to take my anger to the gym. That's the only thing that works. That and a good sob.

Au revoir to my sanity.

I'm holding on to you

Goodness, do I ever miss him. There have been some unfortunate events in his unit recently, of which I will not disclose online, but my stress level has just absolutely skyrocketed. It's unbelievable how naive I was before this all started. It's unbelievable how insensitive some people are when it comes to what these soldiers are doing for us. It's also unbelievable how much I feel like I've grown up in the matter of just 2 and a half short months. If I thought I was mature and had it all together before the deployment, I had no idea how much that would actually increase. I look at all these couples who take their spouses presence for granted... couples who take for granted the fact that EVERY NIGHT when they go to bed with their loved one by their side, it's another night of life. We military spouses know there may not be a tomorrow. How can anyone take for granted the fact that they have such peace of mind every night? Knowing that their spouse is safe and secure. I did before. So surely I've answered my own question...

Please God, bring him home. I know you have a path set for him, but I sure hope it includes mine... for a long, long time.

beautiful

"I must go now. Don't hold me with your eyes and reach your heart across the room like that or my own will break. Love you? Of course I love you... That's why I have to go.. Before you know how much. "

This is just beautiful.